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Chapter 6: Page 13

Utos is a might upset.


Minor errors in Utos’ fury:
…is _the_ magical equivalent of strapping yourself to _a_ nuclear bomb…

And I think “death trigger” might be more commonly called a “deadman’s switch” but the point got across.

While I’m at it, you only rarely use commas before the person addressed (example: “Hello, Rich.”). It’s not a big issue, but it would have made Malice a little clearer (“Look at yourself, once man” vs. “Look at yourself once, man”). I know that when Pride greets him it’s “You made it here, Hero” so it’s correct there. She also calls him once-man, but she uses a hyphen. This is only a minor inconsistency.
You can take all this with a grain of salt, though. ;) For all I know the grammar variations could reflect the characters.

Still loving the story. Waiting to see where we go from here. :)

I second Sorcerer’s point. When telling stofjes, it’s all about suspending disbelief. Errors and inconsistencies break the immersion.

But I remember Dan playing spot-the-goof with is before finishing each chapter, so I think he knows.

I am, and will always be a very sorry excuse for an editor. My brain simply doesn’t see things like this. Don’t matter if its my own writing or somebody’s else. My brain fixes it. The notion that a typo throws anyone out of the story is utterly alien to me. Now thats to not say I don’t realize that other folks read differently. I’m trying my best here and while I do have folks looking at the pages for the typos, the fact remains that they are going to slip through. Especially if I’m behind on my lettering (like now). Gross ones like this one I’ll try to fix immediately, things like a misplaced comma might wait till an end of the chapter clean up.

I was just spotting errors for Dan. Didn’t bother me that much. :)

Still missing an “a” before nuclear bomb, by the way. ;)
And don’t feel bad, Dan. I had to read the bubble several times before I could figure out what was wrong with it. :P

Artistically Utos is looking a little like Mr. Done. It’s nice to see that Richard is being told he isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.

Not to nag overmuch, but the Mistakes Sorcerer mentioned are STILL here although you posted a “fixed” comment. ;)
The “a” Nuclear Bomb thingy, you know….

That aside: wow. Summoning the Leviathan is…..massively OP. :)

soo how did he get hooked up with Leviathan as a protection spell? Astria doesnt seem to be that powerful of a demon. Not powerful enough to bind Leviathan anyway.

Nice suit, Mr. Utos.
Who’s your Tailor?
Same as Harvey “Two-Face” Dent?
(I just love those kind of suits.)

Oh. And venting your anger at Richard is not very healthy, for obvious reasons. :P

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